That had me laughing so hard! (not the injury of course) Mostly because my wife and I can both relate to this behavior. As I was telling her about it at the computer, my daughter chimes in "that sounds like you". Glad you are on the mend and hope you have a speedy recovery.
I wonder if a coarser grit would help with burning on the drum sander? Just a thought.
We've all had those types of stories and family interactions, my wife thought that was my story as well, short of ER bills...