Peter,
You are right that you do NOT want to use 3-inch masonry anchors and lag bolts on cinder block. The best choice is to build the deck as free standing and put in posts in to support the house side beam that the deck joists will sit on. The joists can overhang the beam (i.e. be cantilevered) up to 18 inches so the posts can be set away from the foundation. You will still have a band across the ends of the joists that will tie their ends together and it wants to be in the same position as the ledger would be, but it does not connect to the foundation.
Your second choice would be to use 5/8" through bolts and sandwich the cinder block between a ledger board on the outside and a similar board on the inside of the wall (the block wall becomes the "cream" in this Oreo cookie!). The city inspector might not approve this, however.
In your plans, be sure to allow for actual lumber thickness for your decking and the joists when you locate the tops of the beams. I make my beams with a pair of 2 x 8's or 2 x 10's (depending on span) that are through bolted to the posts with 5/8" bolts, two bolts per post. Obviously, posts need to be set with their sides at right angles to the beams and aligned in a single plane if there are more than two posts per beam.