Handturnedbowls

[SteveColes]

Caught his thread on the record player and thought it very interesting.
But I can not let it stand. I might have except for his "apology". I sent him the following PM.

I gather one of the moderators said something and you felt the need to apologize. I understand that and hope it was intended as an apology, but frankly after reading it I found it even more offensive than the original post.

I simple "did not mean to offend" would have served better.

Fyi, I also am editing your original post.

Sorry

 

[SteveColes]

I removed the apology post to the moderation que. Please do not approve it

 

[DaveO]

I think that you did the right thing. Who sent the original PM? His original statements slipped by me but after re-reading his apology I agree that he chose very bad wording for it. Dave

 

[cskipper]

Obviously I figured out how to move individual posts within an acceptable thread. Ignore that part in the discussion below.

I didn't see how to move an individual post to the moderator queue so I initially deleted a post from cad in the same thread made later in the day. It was pretty funny - discussed a turner's disease, but the acronym (I think that's correct) was t.i.t.s (turners in turmoil syndrome). I also initially removed my response. I didn't physically delete in case you wanted to leave it or modify it. I couldn't think of a way to edit it without changing the meaning so much that the post was pointless.

Never mind - I figured it out (How do you move an individual post to the moderator queue?)

Cad appears to be a 'good ole redneck boy'. He is so knowledgeable and so willing to share his knowledge that I hesitate in slamming him twice within one thread for political incorrectness. I don't know how to convey that and not drive him off the site. Before I married a full fledged bigot (1st husband, not John) it would never have occurred to me that a second slam would annoy him sufficiently to leave the site. But now I know that it could. But we can't really have him offending everyone.

I'm open to suggestions about this post. Also, please let me know if I am being overly sensitive.

 

[JohnsonMBrandon]

I'm not exactly sure how I would approac this one. i do agree with you guys, but its also hard to figure out what people mean by their both. It could be no harm or pun intended. We have to go with what we feel is correct, even though it may make someone angry. I think if a good explanation is given then most people will understand, and still participate on the site.

 

[cskipper]

I feel sure he meant no harm or pun in the second post (the one I pulled). It just made me feel uncomfortable. The first didn't even set off my radar because I have grown up with that attitude from my dad.

 

[JohnsonMBrandon]

You did the right thing Cathy, and I think I would have done the same thing as well. Thats why we have such a great site here.

 

[cskipper]

Thanks. I'll increase my radar detector for racial slurs.

 

[clowman]

Like Cathy said, I don't think any harm was meant or intended. But, I think the correct action was taken.

 

[SteveColes]

If explained some people will understand why a remark or post may offend. Others will not. We do what we can.
While handturnedbowels' reply to me was accepting of the deletion, it was obvious that he really didn't understand why what he posted might be considered offensive. Oh well!

 

[cskipper]

I haven't pm'd him to explain yet. Here's what I was thinking:

Cad, I moved your post regarding the t.i.t.s. group out of the viewable forum. It was funny but at the same time made me feel uncomfortable. I could hardly go around saying that I am part of a support group called t.i.t.s, could I?

That's two posts that you have been tagged for and l don't want to upset you or make you think we are a bunch of prudes. We, maybe me most, totally appreciate your participation in this group. You are so knowledgeable and willing to share that knowledge with us. We are really not trying to be judgmental, though it kind of feels like that. We are just trying to keep the site's tone hospitalble to everybody. There are other groups which are infamous because of the sharp, barbed and nasty posts and we do not want to be one of them. While we initially make the decision to pull a post independently, the decision is discussed by the moderators and admins. If we disagree with each other, and believe me we do, we put it back. Otherwise we write to the poster and try to explain our actions.

So, I guess what I am saying that we certainly aren't asking you to modify your beliefs, just the way you phrase some posts.

 

[SteveColes]

Nicely worded. Much better than anything that would have written. Thanks.

 

[cskipper]

I slightly modified what I sent to him (changed my previous post to reflect the changes). We'll see what happens.

 

[cskipper]

Here was his response and my response back to him. I think it reinforces that his intentions were to be funny.

Cathy, I am so sorry for making your feel this way I honestly meant it to make you laugh.

I obviously dont realize where my limits extend, and misunderstand the range of topic and grammer.

From now on, I will keep my posts strictly professional and educational. When I am open with my feelings and try to joke, I always offend someone it seems.

Tell the other mods I wont cause any more problems, and I sincerely apologize for my apparant reckless statements.

Maybe you better strike that whole thread I started before someone does get mad at it.

cad

I know that you meant for me to laugh - and I did. I just didn't want to leave it out there. Kidding is obviously welcome on this site. I, too have trouble deciding if my comments are okay and try to personally use the "if my child were reading this over my shoulder would I be okay with what I wrote" acid test. Sometimes I still goof up but that has helped me. Maybe it'll help you.

 

[Steve D]

Well done Cathy, my sense is that he is harmless but lacking a little in judgement when it comes to a public forum.

 

[D L Ames]

Caught his thread on the record player and thought it very interesting.
But I can not let it stand. I might have except for his "apology". I sent him the following PM.

Quote:

I gather one of the moderators said something and you felt the need to apologize. I understand that and hope it was intended as an apology, but frankly after reading it I found it even more offensive than the original post.

I simple "did not mean to offend" would have served better.

Fyi, I also am editing your original post.

Sorry


OK, when I initially read Cad's initial post to his thread for some reason it didn't strike me as being intended as racial in nature so I didn't pay it much mind. When I came back and read his follow-up post (the apology) I went back and reread his initial post to see if I misinterpreted it. Then, like Steve above, I assumed that one of the Admin or Mods must have sent him a PM to let him know his post was out of line which generated his "apology". Well, now my question is; Did an Admin or Mod send Cad a PM to let him know his initial post was out of line? I know I didn't send him one. And if no one else sent him a PM then that means Cad reread his own post and determined on his own that what he wrote was inappropriate and thought he should post an apology. Even though his apology probably made matters worse you have to at least give him credit for trying to do the right thing.

So, did anyone send him an initial PM about his initial post?

Counting myself, we have had 7 admin/mods respond to this discussion and no one yet has mentioned they initially sent a PM to Cad.

D L

 

[clowman]

Not me... I'm too slow to have picked up on anything racial the first time I read it.

 

[Steve D]

Not me

 

[DaveO]

It wasn't me, I originally thought it was Cathy, but several reads of her posts in this thread prove that wrong. :eusa_thin :eusa_thin
Dave

 

[McRabbet]

Not me.